Steven Wright's Sayings

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

I have a map of the world at home. Full size, I spent last summer folding it.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.